Express Yourself

It’s a minute after midnight in the darkest heart of the neon-flickering red night zone on Soi Nana, Bangkok, Thailand. You walk inside a dimly lit bar where Jackson Pollock reproductions hang beside brass exterior wall-features, dysfunctional water pipes, and wall-mounted speakers. The waitress serves drinks in an otherworldly fashion behind a zinc-topped bar, and you move a little closer to observe what’s lurking behind the waitress's purple eye-shadow and neon pink lip-gloss. Hands larger than your own, and feet longer and narrower, and at least a size nine. Her voice is lower, much lower than anticipated, and that shoulder-hip-ratio disproportionate for your average Siamese gentlewoman. You move a little closer and order a Chang beer Lite, and as you do the barmaid makes a move both astonishing and unexpected. She smiles while liberating a singular breast from her sports bra, squeezes it, and expresses right there on the spot, squirting milk out and into an adjacent coffee mug. She laughs in an octave close to Chris Rea’s The Road to Hell, and you tell her to not do it again. She does it again, but this time offers you a sweet taste of the milk of human kindness. Transgender love milk, baby, muscle-men love it long time.  

Annie’s something of a local legend. Lactose Disciples (or LDs as they're known) pay homage to Annie’s weeping bosom the way Pilgrims worship the weeping Virgin Mary of Civitavecchia. They rub up against Annie muttering undecipherable conjurations while tying pieces of string around her wrists. Deeply superstitious locals consider Annie’s magical orbs an auspicious gift from the Gods to be revered deeply.  

In a study called “Male Lactation” Professor Patty Macadam of the Department of Anthropology at The University of Toronto noted, “Lactation has been observed in animals and humans of both sexes.” In 1992 a team of scientists captured fruit bats from a rainforest south in the Krau Game Reserve, Pahang, Malaysia. Of the 10 mature males captured, each had functional mammary glands from which small samples of milk were expressed. In nature male lactation is physiologically possible and, according to Dr. Robert Greenblatt, milk production in males can be simulated by simply letting a bat suckle on a male teat for several weeks. You stare up to the ceiling half expecting a colony of fruit bats hungrily hanging upside down.   

The phenomenon of men breastfeeding at will was explored in the 1978 book The Tender Gift by Dana Raphael and subsequently a small movement of Milkmen evolved. The Milkmen were a collective movement of single and same-sex fathers who had elected to express independent of female intervention. In the case of Annie the Weeping Bargirl hormone replacements are not to be overlooked, yet without the pills she’d probably express herself in other ways. Hungry ruling class infants have busily suckled on the bosom of peasant wet nurses since the dawn of time. Ever since the groundbreaking 1867 breakthrough of Justus von Liebig’s rudimentary infant milk formula childless men and women have produced milk for the benefit of the well-heeled lactose hungry.       

A sizable market for human milk exists online and among that consumer demographic an emerging market of bench-pressing males exist. Packed with nutrients some men consider the nutrient-rich white gold key to their success at the gym. Although adult breast milk addicts can sustain their vice frequenting sites such as OnlyTheBreast.com, there is a theory that transgender breast milk is better suited to bodybuilders owing to a special blend of hormones produced exclusively by male to female transition. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services breast milk contains just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein to help growth. Ladyboy milk, it seems, can make you as fit as a butcher's dog (to use a well worn animal idiom), so why not get aboard and join the movement? 

And you can. As long as bench-pressing and the usual cardio-vascular work-out routines are maintained transgender milk is the perfect supplement. Man can't live by milk alone. Lift and lick is the current slogan. And why not? Life is messy, unpredictable, propelled by strange quirks and unusual ticks and drips. Nature doesn’t always deal you the hands you wanted. So adapt to what you have and milk it for all that it's worth. 

Life, is very strange. 

Indeed.   

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